The Truth of Life

I was hesitated to write this post. It is obvious, writing these lines will deeply hurt me however I believe I have to confront this.

Unfortunately, my beloved father has passed away on 29th of January, 2015. What hurt more is we laid him to rest on his birthday, 1st of February. I will write my thoughts about my loss in this post, you can read about my father in a separate post here.

Despite he has been treated for lung cancer for almost 1 year, we did not expect this sad ending, that we had to experience, since we were very emotional on this.

Firstly, I have to tell, if you did not lose your parents (I hope you did not, and hopefully live with them for many more years) you can not understand how painful is this loss. You can not have empathy for this. It is definitely “the one who did not live the same cannot know”.

It is very hard to express my feelings however if I had to try, my father’s loss means to me loss of my source of trust that I feel all my life. You work for years and years to not to be dependent to him, to feel free of him and to prove that you are a grown man, on the other hand you always seek approval and appreciation of him for what you did in life. Losing this position in your life causes you to get off course. You have no more your lighthouse, he will not enlighten your way. Despite you have your other family members, you still feel alone in the ocean. There is no man left that sees you as a little child any more… It is not important neither how you are mature in your friend identity, nor how you are successful in your employee identity. You are always a little child of your parents and you always wanted to stay like that… Thank to God, my mother is still with us (may God give her long and healthy life), and I did not completely lost child identity but I lost major part of it. This is life’s way to say “You are grown up now!” even if you don’t want to… That’s why, this tough experience is probably the most painful event that turns a boy into a man.

I wish none of this happened, but unfortunately death is the truth of life. Maybe the only truth. We are all going to die eventually, and we will lose our loved ones while we are living. Although it is a cliche, “May God give sequential death” means parents should not see their children die. It is more appropriate for us to experience their loss even it is harder.

2 months have passed after this sad incident, and we have to continue living our lives… Certainly, neither forget this pain nor get used to his absence is not possible. Pain just becomes bearable in time, however tiniest event can trigger a memory with him and break you into tears. We will get used to live with this, we have to…

Dear Dad, I wish you are in heaven now… Anyway, wherever you are right now, I am sure you turn the place into heaven…